I’d been watching, thinking about what drove them to do as they did, what justified their struggle ...I remembered one of my first memories. I must have been four of five, inside the cell, it being all my world. I was afraid of something, maybe insects, maybe the darkness of my bedroom, maybe something else. Hopelessness and Cat’s comforting voice keeping my sanity together are the two things that stand out most when I think of the memory. I believe that was when I realized I didn’t like my life as it was, when I decided to change my life. The cell meant hopelessness, lack of power, being subject to another’s will. I’d hated those things, and wanted to leave them behind by becoming free. Now, looking at the peasants drudging in these streets, I doubted the reality of freedom was as enjoyable as the idea. These freemen were pathetic. They flinched away from the occasional marching Guardsmen like they were flies avoiding bats. Their backs were bent, their faces pocked. The women looked. My father might have thought Jeff was playing this up to achieve the greatest leverage from this confrontation. He would have been wrong. I had never seen Jeff this angry. I didn’t know Jeff could get this angry. The most amazing thing about it was Jeff was as out of control as he could possibly be, while remaining under control. ‘Next, you’re going to go out there now and not only give your daughter away, you will give her away with great pleasure. ‘Next, when you make your speech, tell us how proud you are knowing Ashley will be making significant contributions in whatever she chooses to do. Don’t feel compelled to mention me, even with a pronoun. I’ll survive the slight. ‘Last, when you’re considering your very generous wedding gift, the most valuable thing you can give me is to never have to see your smarmy face again. If Ashley decides she wants to see you, I’ll conquer my revulsion for her sake. ‘Have I made anything unclear? Is there anything you need explained, Dad?’ ‘You.
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